There are many people who'd be there just to bring you down; but your job isn't to wallow in self pity. Your job, is to go out there, and shine so so so bright, that your brightness overpowers the darkness they cast on you.
Yours Truly;
J o r d y n :) Officially 16 on 20th January 2013. God's child since 19 June 2011 and never regretting my decision. Exceptionally hyper and sometimes crazy. #woohoo
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Naive.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
1word. Naive. Utterly naive.
How could I have expected myself to feel okay? No, I'm not okay. I'm not okay with it. Simply because I will never be. It's become a part of me; a part of me that cannot be removed, a permanent part of me. And no matter how hard anyone or even myself try, there's just no way to change this reality. I wish I was cold as stone, so I wouldn't feel all these. And I wouldn't know the sting if I haven't had this heart. I appear strong, I appear unbeaten. But who can really see through me? Everything is but a lie. I am but wearing a mask, a mask of happiness that hides all my sorrow. There's joy in my life, yes. But the sorrows never leave either.
Loneliness. I fear loneliness. I hate the feeling of being alone, of being left abandoned. I hate it. I dont like it. I hate to know that there's no one there. I hate to know that nobody cares. I hate how I have to be independent. I dont want to be; I just want to know that I'm not alone, that I'll never be. But no matter how hard I convince myself that I ain't alone anymore, memories flashbacks just continue haunting me. I am afraid. I fear. My heart isn't a heart of steel. And no matter how much I wish my past didnt affect me, its impossible. It's a part of me, a part of me that is so dark and so emotional. And each time, it just tears me up. How would I know if anyone would leave me? All those that promised to stay left. Even the closest. Who else can I trust, when even my own father didn't bother to make me believe? How else can I trust, when there's nothing for me to trust?
