There are many people who'd be there just to bring you down; but your job isn't to wallow in self pity. Your job, is to go out there, and shine so so so bright, that your brightness overpowers the darkness they cast on you.
Yours Truly;
J o r d y n :) Officially 16 on 20th January 2013. God's child since 19 June 2011 and never regretting my decision. Exceptionally hyper and sometimes crazy. #woohoo
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Feels? What Feels?
Monday, June 24, 2013
Feeling is such a subtle word. For instance. What do you feel now? Happy? Sad? Annoyed? Frustrated? Well, let me tell you, I am annoyed. I am disappointed. And I am on the verge of giving up. But do you understand how I feel? No. Because feelings are far more complicated than you think they are. You might think that you know joy, but when I tell you I'm feeling joyful, we're probably feeling different. That's how scary feelings are. You never know. And what's scarier? Is letting feelings take over you as a person. That's when you start to lose control.
I'm not afraid to hide; Not afraid to say that I've lost control over my own emotions recently. Not because I want to, but I can't help it. Things constantly revolve around me. Bad things; things that I thought would never happen. Yet, they did. Somebody once said " If you like the joy you feel, capture the moment. If you despise sorrow, sorrow will despise you. " So how come when I have so much sorrow to release and bid goodbye, sorrows just continue knocking on my door? One after another, as if telling me that the joy we're all feeling is running out really soon. I am afraid. And I know I'm not alone feeling afraid. We all are. Maybe you don't know, and you probably won't ever know. But, you're somebody who means something to us. Somebody whom we care about, somebody who has the ability to hurt our hearts like you're doing it right now. Yet, at the same time of being so close to us, you're but a stranger. Questions just keep flooding my mind these days. Who are you? Who am I? And who are we? Are we still who we used to be? We laugh, we talk, but how is that it just feels so different? And although something inside tells me to not give up, it's hard not to. It's tiring. It's painful. And it hurts, to see you being someone we don't seem to have any idea of. And it hurts more, when we all know that you're slowly and imminently drifting away. How can I stop it? What can I do? Is there even a way to change everything?
I'm starting to feel foolish. Foolish that we still plant our hopes in you, as if we strongly hold faith in you that you're just temporarily different. But who am I kidding? It's bad. Really bad. I don't have the courage to speak to you like I used to, because I'm worried you wouldn't care. I don't have the courage to be who I am around you, because I'm worried I can't trust. But most importantly, I'm worried I've lost you. And that's the last thing I want to worry about, because, you're irreplaceable.
