There are many people who'd be there just to bring you down; but your job isn't to wallow in self pity. Your job, is to go out there, and shine so so so bright, that your brightness overpowers the darkness they cast on you.
Yours Truly;
J o r d y n :) Officially 16 on 20th January 2013. God's child since 19 June 2011 and never regretting my decision. Exceptionally hyper and sometimes crazy. #woohoo
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Dilemma
Monday, October 15, 2012
Until now, I dont know what I should do. Keep yearning, or give up. Then again, by giving up I can always try again. But by holding on, it'll just keep hurting more and more as memories flood again. So for my case, I think its best I forget, before I start again. I cant keep holding on only to hurt myself more, its like gripping on to a knife. The tighter you grip, the more intense the pain; and the more you bleed. But instead, if you'd let go earlier, you'd probably only get a cut, and time will heal it.
Am I making sense? Or am I being to literature-ish. Im sorry if I am, I mean, typical Lit student here yo. Im just thinking though, why is my language on my blog so much better than when Im in school. Hmm, maybe Im like that, but Im just hiding it behind my mask. >:) Oh no Im side-tracking.
Well anyways, these few days, I kinda think that my friendship life is taking a turn. For the better Im hoping, but its what Im seeing now.. Putting that on hold just in case expectations leads to disappointments. I've been praying though. Praying hard that maybe one day I'd be accepted for who I am, and not be hated because of what people think and say of me. I guess I should take the responsibility too though, to make a public apology, just in case I really did do something wrong. Right here, I know although nobody reads much ( Im hoping there will be though ), Im sorry if I ever hurt you, betrayed you, or did anything that could have caused you hatred. I dont ask for forgiveness, but I still believe that I should and I must apologize no matter what you might think/say. So yup:) Somehow, it feels so much better after saying how you feel. Maybe this is the feeling of what people say, letting go and becoming happier in the process. Feels like a dream though, it seems so surreal yet so lifelike at the same time. Oh the irony. But I really thank God for listening and answering my prayer. I know it doesnt take immediate effect, but with patience, Im sure God will know the best for me and in turn pave a road for me thats most beneficial. It wont be an easy road, but I know it's the road that'll take me to a better place in the end:) . Trust; is all that I need.
So now, Im just hoping that I would have the courage to step up and talk to all of you again. Its not going to be easy, but trust me. Or rather, help me.. >< If you guys would just help me to open up again, I promise and assure you, I'll be the girl that you've known from the start. Im really sorry that I will start to change after we get close, because Im afraid I'd be too annoying and you'd grow distant from me. But Im wrong, Im causing the failure in my friendships. I dont want this anymore. Please, remind me not to and tell me you're okay with me? >< Sigh, what am I even saying. Im such a dumb person.. ._.
