There are many people who'd be there just to bring you down; but your job isn't to wallow in self pity. Your job, is to go out there, and shine so so so bright, that your brightness overpowers the darkness they cast on you.
Yours Truly;
J o r d y n :) Officially 16 on 20th January 2013. God's child since 19 June 2011 and never regretting my decision. Exceptionally hyper and sometimes crazy. #woohoo
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What if ?
Saturday, March 17, 2012
What if ? What if all the rumours didnt start in the first place . What if people weren't that annoying to judge ? Would we still be where we are today ? Or will we be completely different from the current situation ?
People keep telling me avoiding makes matters worse. I disagree , but yet , on the inside , I kind of agree . But what can I do about it ? Appear out of the blue like nothing happened and pretend everything is just a bad dream ? 3months. 3months is a very long period of time . You cant just make me decide to change my actions like that . Its awkward . Way awkward . I know maybe if this friendship was just within girls , it'd be easier to solve since I would've been able to understand her just as well . But for this , how am I ever supposed to put myself into his shoes and try to understand his feelings ?
Im not selfish . I presume . I just thought by avoiding him , the rumour would probably die down and everything would be okay . I admit I didnt think about my feelings , much less his feelings . All I thought was that " it was the right thing to do " . Right thing ? Really ? I dont know . But , all I can say is . Watching the friendship die down right in front of me hurts , so so bad . Its probably not the changing that hurts , but the memories that keep flooding your head . Not just him , but so many friendships I've let go because of rumours like this . Somehow , my natural instinct is just to runaway . To runaway and never come back to face this reality ever again . But in fact , I die a little inside everytime . I care so much , but I had to pretend I dont , just to lie to myself all over again that I really gave up trying . And that this was really the only way . It was a foolish idea . But I still went with it . Im such a fool .
My friends said he care . Im quite confused . Because although I really want to salvage this friendship , something in my mind is blocking the way of me doing so . Im hesitating even just to apologise . I want to , but at the same time , I fear to . Fear - its a big thing I always lose myself to. They told me apologising would save everything . Really ? Its not that I doubt my friends or the friendship . But I doubt myself . I dont want to end up hurting someone over and over again.
